they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
