Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
