I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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