Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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