We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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