This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
