Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
