i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
