At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
