girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
