We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
