smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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