i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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