I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
