masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
