She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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