That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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