perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
