Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
