We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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