I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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