I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
