Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
