if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
