No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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