I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
