Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
