Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
