she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
