I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
