i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
