1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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