it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
