i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
