Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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