You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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