He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
