Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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