I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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