is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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