my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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