This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
