What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
