I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
