Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
