God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
