I just threw up on my dentist
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Boobs are out for the taking
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
