I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Someone signed my nipple.
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