If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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