On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
